Comedy Central have been teasing their Roast of Justin Bieber for donkey’s years and earlier this week it was finally, FI-NA-LLY aired on our TV screens.
Donkey’s years is a bit of a weird phrase isn’t it? ANYWAY.
As we predicted (and kinda definitely hoped), the comedians didn’t hold back one little bit when it came to ripping the heck out of Biebs, and the results were brilliant.
A whole host of celebs came out to monumentarily roast Bieber like a full chicken in Nandos, including Martha Stewart, Ludacris, Will Ferrell, Snoop Dogg,the night’s host Kevin Hart, and even Justin himself.
Justin has been the subject of many, erm, not-so-complimentary reports this year, so this lot certainly weren’t short for material.
If you missed it, we’ve rounded up all the best jokes for you to enjoy. You’re welcome.
Kevin was just as on point as he usually is, joking that Justin “has tens of millions of fans. Most of them are in middle school or standing 500ft from one.”
He later said: “Justin Bieber has the voice of an angel but the haircut and tattoos of a lesbian butcher.”
The comedian couldn’t resist involving the pop star’s ex either: “Selena Gomez couldn’t be here tonight. She couldn’t. Just because she didn’t want to come. She didn’t want to be here. I wish I had something better to tell you, but I don’t.”
Martha Stewart decided to base her jokes on Justin’s reported police record, joking: “You’ll inevitably be in lock-up, so listen up. The first thing you’ll need is a shank. I made mine out of a pintail comb and a pack of gum.”
She went on to make jokes about her time in prison, before finishing by saying: “You need to settle down, bring some balance into your life. Find the right gal, but she has to be someone on your level, someone powerful and famous and rich.
“Someone you can smoke a joint with or indulge in the occasional three-way. I’m talking about a playa in the boardroom and a freak in the bedroom. So, Justin, my final piece of advice is: call me.”
Natasha Leggero also joked about Jelena: “Selena Gomez had to f**k you. She is literally the least lucky Selena in all of entertainment history.”
She then joked: “Justin, you’re so successful, you’re so rich. You’re like our Beatles. Not the band, the bugs that live in s**t.”
And then there was this lot:
Will Ferrell (as Ron Burgundy): “This kid has spunk, moxie, and probably a few other STDs.”
Snoop Dogg: “You so pretty. When the inmates saw your mug shot, they swiped right.”
Jeff Ross: “You’re a smart man with a good heart, and I know you’ll never wind up like Kurt Cobain or Amy Winehouse. Respected.”
Chris D’Elia: “For a guy worth $200m, why do you dress like Sharon Stone in the 90s?”
Ludacris: “He may have just turned 21, but he’ll always be a baby to me because babies p*ss everywhere and don’t know when to shut the f**k up.”
And, of course, Justin himself: “What do you get when you give a teenager $200m? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours.”
BRAVO, EVERYONE. Bravo.
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