After several weeks of being stuck in a perpetual ‘lull’– it seems that the privileged bed-hoppers and drama queens of Made In Chelsea have got back into the swing of things - and FINALLY provided us lowly commoners with some PROPER good telly.
(What else is the aristocracy for though? – Yeah that’s right, we can be ‘topical’ too, YA KNOW.)
Anyway, this week there was heartache and drama aplenty, so it made us feel marginally better about our own lives for a change.“BUT WHAT HAPPENED!?!”, we hear you cry in near apoplexy – well fear not, because we’re about to flippin’ well tell you.
1) Andy Jordan has become some weird sort of pawn in Louise and Alik’s twisted relationship.
Urgh, when will this ever end?! In the aftermath of Louise’s amnesia last week, Alik and Louise were both back on our screens with the same forced smiles and ‘EVERYTHING’S JUST GRRRREAT GUYS!!’ expressions plastered all over their faces. But, being Alik and Louise, there of course has to be some sort of problem that becomes everyone else’s issue.
This week, Andy Jordan (one of the few men we know who can really ‘rock’ an engorged pair of nostrils), found himself stuck in the middle between the two, after getting a bit battered at last week’s dinner party and proclaiming that Alik basically needs to ‘watch out’ for Louise’s wandering ways.
Andy claimed that he said what he did because he ‘cares equally for Louise and Alik’ (the latter he’s only known for five minutes, but whatever), and despite Andy going round Louise’s and apologising and saying AGAIN that he cared for her, Louise decided (after being coaxed into the decision by none other than that meddling Rosie Fortescue) that Andy was basically an idiot and was in big trouble.
At Jamie Laing’s ‘Playpen’ party (more on that later), Louise – helped along by Rosie- took it upon herself to lay into poor Andy BIG STYLE, and told him in no uncertain terms to ‘back the hell off’. As you can imagine, it was incredibly dramatic and ludicrous at the same time.
2) Stevie’s heart is breaking and it’s just a little bit too emotional for us to handle
Oh, poor little Stevie. After finding out about Stephanie Pratt‘s burgeoning relationship with new boy (and Stevie’s former best pal) Josh last week, Stevie made it his mission to do something about it, after being spurned on by Lucy Watson (who thought the whole thing was “a bit out of order”).
Anyway, Stevie took it upon himself to meet up with Stephanie in a very rainy Battersea Park, where they basically put the final nail in the coffin of the American Dream that was their state-side relationship. Our hearts broke when Stevie asked “But…does he make you laugh??” and Stephanie got a bit tearful, saying that it wasn’t just a bit of fun and that she did ACTUALLY really like Josh.
We thought we could see Stevie’s ickle heart physically break inside his chest, and as the rain beat down over the ropey-looking park bandstand, it all got a bit ‘The Notebook’.
Later that evening, Stevie swaggered up to Josh with all the machismo the little poppet could muster and told Josh that “WE NEED TO TALK” – and basically said that they’d no longer be friends because JOSH KNEW FULL WELL that Stevie and Steph were close, and he ‘shouldn’t have gone there’.
However, it wasn’t all a disaster for Stevie. Because of a ‘bad hair week’, he had his hair pushed back for the entire episode and he looked simply DELICIOUS. Every cloud, and all that…
3) Sam Thompson and Tiff/Jpeg. PLEASE JUST STOP.
Sam Thompson and Tiff Watson (or Tiff/Jpeg as we like to call her), continued with their charade of a relationship this week, with Tiff/Jpeg continuing to recoil every time Sam leaned in to kiss her.
After perusing the Kings Road for a while and pretending to get along, Tiff/Jpeg questioned Sam about some mysterious tweets he had sent the other night, where he was hanging around with some girls and generally being quite flirty. Sam – of course – insisted nothing had happened, which is basically MIC code for ‘I had an orgy with Spencer Matthews and now have got the Head Girl of Cheltenham Ladies College up the duff’.
Later on, Toff bumped into Sam and Jamie having a drink and decided to confront him (albeit very nicely) about being an absolute ARSE last week and not sticking up for her as Tiff/Jpeg had a massive go at the dinner party. Sam apologised (good) and then let slip that another girl slept in his bed the other night, and he hadn’t told Tiff/Jpeg about this (bad).
But don’t worry because ‘they only slept next to each other and nothing happened’.
Sure Sam. Whatever.
Anyhoo, it all came out at Jamie’s party later that evening, where Sam tried to reassure Tiff/Jpeg about the whole situation. Needless to say, after Lucy Watson came on board and stuck her oar in, Sam wasn’t really going to survive a Double-Watson-Throw-Down. Both Tiff/Jpeg and sister Lucy PROPERLY put him in his place, leaving little Sam looking like a bit of a wally.
4) Jamie had a party and it was all very odd, if we’re being honest.
For LITERALLY NO REASON, Jamie decided to have a party this week. The theme?
Yep, we have no idea either, but everyone else took it as an excuse to dress up like idiots and daub Clockwork Orange-esque eyeliner all over their faces. Throw in a few ropey acrobats, and the whole thing looked like some sort of twisted anarchist sex-party, and we felt a little bit dirty watching it, to honest with you. The only redeeming thing about the whole affair was Rosie and Louise trying to have a serious argument with Andy, whilst Rosie looked like this:
Oh, and Mark Francis and Victoria of course saved the day by basically being hilarious, and coming out with classic lines like:
WHAT. A. WOMAN.
Now if all those dramatics weren’t enough for you, then you’ll just have to hold on to yourselves until next week, where we’ll see our favourite SW3-ers hop over to France for yet ANOTHER massive booze-fest (because apparently if you live in Chelsea, there’s no such thing as a ‘holiday allowance’ to consider, so you can swan off down the Eurotunnel WHENEVER YOU LIKE).
Oh, and FRAN is back. Remember her?! We wait – as ever – with baited breath, ladies and gentlemen.
[ Made In Chelsea Catch Up: Louise Thompson Sort of Confesses To Cheating On Alik And Binky Blatantly Fancies Alex Again ]
[ Made In Chelsea Catch Up: Louise Has Got Amnesia, Binky Can't Be Bothered, & Stevie's An Emotional Wreck ]