The cast of Made In Chelsea had little time this week for such trivial occurrences as the landing of a man-made probe on a comet, or the daily struggle against Ebola. No, this week everyone’s focus seemed to be on the long and protracted train wreck that is Louise and Alik’s relationship.
BUT THAT WASN’T ALL THAT WENT DOWN, NO WAY JOSÉ. If you struggled to watch last night’s episode because you got to a point where you couldn’t despair about the state of humanity much longer, then worry your pretty little head no more – we watched the entire thing from start to finish, and can tell you the FOUR seismic points that you may have missed.
1. Louise has coincidentally been struck down with amnesia and it’s frankly hilarious
So basically Louise Thompson still “can’t remember” if she got off with someone whilst she was still seeing Alik, and is depending on her friends lying for her her friend’s ‘honesty’ to see her out of this tricky situation. Turns out she ended up back at a mysterious fella’s house, ‘fell asleep on the couch’ and woke up watching Aladdin with said shady fellow. Oh, but she still can’t remember if anything happened.
A LIKELY TALE LOUISE.
And in Louise’s world, if she can’t remember she did anything, then she clearly did nothing wrong and in fact the rest of the world is at fault, and not her.
Spending most of the episode wearing black, listlessly gazing into the horizon and half-arsedly apologising to Alik, Louise made us feel we were watching ‘Girl Interrupted’ for the 37th time. But after getting bored with half-apologising to the moronic Alik for the umpteenth time (who can blame her to be honest), Lou ended up pulling her now iconic strop-face after going for lunch with him and Binky.
Louise didn’t take too kindly to Binks – (who, clearly exasperated with the pair of them, ended up drinking a bottle of wine to get through the awkwardness) – calling bull**** on the whole affair.
Which brings us on to…
2. Binky is as exasperated with Louise and Alik as we are
Poor Binky. After going on an un-ending cycle of pain and heartache with Alex Mytton, you can’t blame her for rolling her eyes at Louise and Alik’s car-crash of a relationship. Sitting awkwardly with JUST Alik at lunch, (God help her) Binky basically landed Louise in it by telling Alik a LITTLE bit more than he needed to know about ‘what went down’ on THAT fateful night.
Sensing Alik’s abject horror, Binks did the wise thing and ordered a bottle of wine to herself, which she had quite quickly got through by the time Louise had arrived for Alik to interrogate AGAIN. Louise, obviously fuming that Binky landed her RIGHT IN IT, proceeded to make out to Rosie that Binky was ‘meddling’ in things when they saw each other at Andy Jordan’s dinner party – and it was then that it all kicked off.
Basically, Binky (probably already on the gin by this point) became the target of Alik and Louise’s frustrations – BECAUSE PERISH THE THOUGHT THAT ONE OF THEM MIGHT BE IN THE WRONG. Alik was basically an arse, and Binky did what we all wanted her to do, and called him an “arrogant tw*t”.
AND THAT’S WHY WE LOVE BINKY.
3. Stevie is an emotional wreck and it has made us feel things
The Stephanie Pratt/Stevie saga, continued to rumble on this week, as it emerged that the sexy bear-man she was getting with last week, Josh, ACTUALLY turned out to be Stevie’s mate.
Bit awkard, then.
Anyway, upon hearing that the two were very much dating, Stevie decided there and then that this was a betrayal of epic proportions and that he was probably still a little bit in love with Stephanie still. It all came to a head when Stevie bumped into Stephanie and Lucy in a ladies shoe shop (?!), and basically told Stephanie that it was a bit out of order for her to start getting with his mate. Stephanie flew off the handle, left the shop, and Stevie BURST INTO TEARS.
Honestly, it was one of the most heart-breaking/adorable/get-in-our-pants-right-now things we’ve ever witnessed.
AS IF WE COULDN’T LOVE THAT BOY ANY MORE.
And FYI, we’re still shipping ‘Stevanie’.
4. Sam threw Toff under a (metaphorical) bus, and for that we can’t forgive him
As you may be aware, there are two new additions to the show this series – Toff (never has a person’s name been more appropriate) and Tiff, Lucy Watson’s sister (presumably given that name because ‘Jpeg’ or ‘PING File’ were already taken).
Now neither of these two girls are what we’d call ‘sharp’ if we’re being honest, which might explain why they’re engaged in some sort of weird tug-of-war over the frankly ludicrous human being that is Sam Thompson (yes, Sam Thompson – the guy who probably still thinks Lynx Africa is what ‘gets the laydeez going’).
Anyway, Tiff/Jpeg is fuming because Sam and Toff – who used to ‘have a thing’ – have been hanging out as friends do, and discussed how Sam tried to kiss Tiff. Toff told Tiff this, and Tiff (we’re struggling to remember which is which as we write this) got all neurotic and aggy at Toff for no reason.
So Toff, after being subjected to such RUDENESS, raised the issue at Andy Jordan’s awkward dinner party, complaining – quite rightly, may we add - that Tiff/Jpeg was ‘a bit off’ with her, and sure isn’t she allowed to chat to one of her oldest friends about this sort of thing?
Well Sam – in true ‘I behave like a hormonal 15-year old whose emotions are housed in my pants’ style, then completely THREW his former flame and supposed mate Toff RIGHT UNDER THE BUS, basically saying that they weren’t that good friends and that she was a little bit annoying.
WHAT AN IDIOT. Mates before dates Sam – IT’S THE GOLDEN RULE.
What a wild ride that was kids, eh kids? Perhaps next week we’ll see Louise confess all her sins, shave her head, and move off to a nunnery in the South of France – or perhaps she’ll still be in the midst of a catatonic stupor, hanging listlessly off Alik’s arm whilst Binky screams “STOP IT LOUISE, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING”.
Whatever happens, we’re sure it’ll be simply THRILLING.
[ Made In Chelsea Catch Up: Louise Thompson Sort of Confesses To Cheating On Alik And Binky Blatantly Fancies Alex Again ]
[ Made In Chelsea: Andy Jordan Would 'Probably' Have Sex With Proudlock ]