Picture the scene if you will. 10pm on Monday 15th December: a single tear rolling down our face as we suck despairingly on a Marlboro Light, clutching a half-drunk bottle of Jack Daniels as we collapse onto our kitchen floor. The reason? The knowledge that we’ve just watched the penultimate episode of Made In Chelsea, and the magical ride we’ve all been on for the past few months is now nearly over.
Thankfully, we have the memories of an RIOTOUS episode that we can hold dear to, to get us through the difficult next few months (alongside our MIC Fitness DVD, THANK GOD). There were awkward dinner parties, a bound and gagged Jamie Laing and of course Binky struggling with her below-par gag reflex – and that’s just the start, folks!
1) Shockingly, Sam Cheated On Tiff
We say shockingly, it’s perhaps the least surprised anyone’s been since the last time Spencer Matthews cheated on… well, anyone really. Right into the first ten minutes of Monday’s episode, Binky’s trainer Lonan (there’s another minor drama there, but we’ll get to that later) revealed that he’d been out with Sam the other night and had witnessed him kissing a girl – a girl that DEFINITELY was not Tiff (or Tiff/Jpeg as we still like to affectionately call her).
Binky took it upon herself to reveal all to Tiff/Jpeg the day before the girl’s trip to the spa, where Tiff had a bit of a mope about it all in front of a very awkward Louise. As if being related to Sam wasn’t enough of an embarrassment, she made herself look an even greater chump by banging on about how herself while Tiff was in full-on heartbreak mode, forcing Stephanie Pratt to tell her “This isn’t actually about you, Louise”.
What a woman.
Anyway, after Sam got a whole load of grief at the ‘lads night’, he went round to Tiff/Jpeg’s house and begged for her forgiveness. Needless to say, it didn’t go well:
Sam: “Tiff, I know I’m the last person you want to speak to”
Sam: “I don’t want us to not talk again”
Tiff: “I think that’s probably the best thing, actually.”
YOU GO, GIRL.
2) Stephanie Pratt HATES Spencer’s New Girlfriend
Stephanie Pratt spent most of Monday’s episode acting like a morally-principled Regina George type figure – and basically MADE the entire show. After giving Spencer’s new girlfriend, Lauren Frazer-Hutton a right good grilling last week, she was incandescent with rage after finding out that Lauren had said that people only cheat ‘when they’re bored, and had told Spencer that she’d have high-fived him for his wandering eye – if she’d been a boy, that is.
A weird thing to say maybe, but Stephanie took this as a personal attack, and turned Louise’s girly spa-day into one of the most awkard and confrontational things we’ve ever witnessed. Having a good old bitch about Lauren with Tiff, the pair painted her as the most misogynistic figure to walk the earth since, well, Spencer Matthews probably. One particular highlight of the conversation included Stephanie pondering “Is she the worst human in the world?”
After confronting Lauren next to a chaise longue in the spa, and telling her “The jury’s still out, to be honest” on whether or not she’s a B.I.T.C.H, things sort of reached an impasse between the pair. That was until Louise had the bright idea of bringing all the couples together for a triple date.
GREAT IDEA LOU.
After Spencer tried to make Stephanie and Lauren become friends, Stephanie decided to stop pretending she cared what anyone thought and quickly decided that a dinner party would be the perfect time to tell Lauren that she was “quite smug” and that she was “being a bitch”.
3) Binky Committed The WORST Sin Ever: She Cheated On Her Trainer
OK, when we say cheated, we mean she swapped her personal trainer. Now, we might not have seen the inside of a gym since our ill-advised detox two January’s ago, but we had no idea that swapping your personal trainer about was SUCH a fitness faux pas.
Well, it certainly is in Chelsea. You may remember that Binky went on a date a few weeks back with Will, her fit, beard-y personal trainer at the time. Now Binky’s practising her lunges with Will’s pal Lonan, and all is going swimmingly and there’s no weird sexual tension thus far, meaning Binky can focus on her ‘core’ all she flaming well likes.
Anyhoo, Will – hilariously – thought this was the biggest betrayal he’d ever experienced in his life. He came and gate-crashed Binky’s lunch with Lonan (where he forced Binky to eat a raw egg, inadvertently revealing Binky’s “my mother always told me to swallow” horrendous gag reflex). Will went ballistic at Lonan, who was completely bemused as to what the problem was.
So was Binky (alongside everyone watching at home), who, after Will had realised how crazy he was behaving, said that “I think he just needs to eat some carbs”.
Who knew Bink’s was Chelsea’s leading nutritionist expert?
Please remember to ‘tune in’ next week for some festive fun on the ****CHRISTMAS SPECIAL***, where Stephanie will undoubtedly throw a lump of coal at Lauren, and Spencer will probably cheat on the poor girl too.
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