Just when you thought you’d escaped those feelings of inadequacy and dread following your three-day hangover from last Saturday, lo and behold Made In Chelsea pops up on your television box to bring you crashing back down to your pit of misery and despair.
This week, it was all kicking off on the Kings Road as we were still trying to deal with the after-shocks of the gang’s Gallic sojourn. Alas my friends, there were no sexy Frenchmen to ogle at this week, but quite a few other things ‘of note’ occurred, so do read on and we’ll tell you all about them.
1) Spencer Matthews RETURNED with a slammin’ hottie of a girlfriend
Yes, Spencer Matthews was back this week – and he’s dragged a new bird along with him. Armed with a new tan, a freshly waxed chest and a new set of teeth (which the cast couldn’t help themselves from fawning over like he was the lovechild of Jamie Dornan and Douglas Booth), Spencer introduced his new lady love to his pals – who basically sat around with their mouths wide open.
Her name is ‘Lauren Frazer Hutton’, and even after Stepahnie Pratt took her out for coffee to literally rake over every single instance of Spenny’s past indiscretions (she also compared him to Jack the Ripper (!)), Lauren STILL seems to fancy the pants off him.
To be honest, it wouldn’t be the dodgy romantic past we’d be worried about – it’s the weird shoulder-sniffing in public we’d be more concerned about. Who knew THIS was Spencer’s secret kink?
2) Binky and Fran are still at war and it’s all very dramatic
Oh god. We’re still reeling from the awkwardness of last week – where Binky and Fran had the mother of all housemate dramas and fell out BIG TIME. Well, it seems as if Binky still hasn’t forgiven Fran for betraying her, landing her in it, or whatever happened in the end. Anyway, this week it all got a little bit – dare we say it – TOO MUCH.
Binky’s literally not talking to Fran at all now, (which must make sorting out who pays for the TV license slightly difficult), and basically turning everyone against her. So Fran made the (somewhat unwise) decision to contact Alex Mytton – AKA the dude who broke Binky’s heart – for some advice on the whole situation.
GREAT MOVE FRAN. WELL DONE.
So Binky of course found out and went absolutely mental at Franny – having a hugely awkward argument with her at the end of the show, including the classic line “OH CRY ME A RIVER FRAN” – and told her that she didn’t want to live with her anymore.
Better get on SpareRoom quick Fran – December’s a very tricky time to go flat-hunting and Londoner’s are notoriously difficult to live with/picky.
3) Lucy Watson seemingly can’t stand anyone’s boyfriend’s at the moment
So after the fall-out from the whole ‘I Slept In A Bed With Fran’-gate last week, Sam and Tiff/Jpeg or whatever her name is seemed to be back together, unfortunately. EVERYONE is rooting for them – even the Scarlet Woman of Chelsea AKA Fran, who went up to the couple and said in a DEFINITELY NOT PATRONISING MANNER that she was “really happy” for them.
I mean seriously, who is this woman taking advice from? A bull in a china shop?
Anyhoo, Sam’s nauseating grovelling seems to have worked it’s magic on Tiff and the rest of the Chelsea-ites, with one notable exception – good old Lucy Watson. Sam met Lucy to try and win her round and get his relationship blessed – but Lucy was VERY sceptical of the whole thing and gave him some very important Lucy Watson eye-rolls and was very much ‘whatever’ about it all.
Lucy continued her “I HATE LOVE” crusade with best friend Stephanie Pratt‘s new man, as it became clear that she still had her boy Stevie’s back over the whole Stephanie/Stevie/Josh love triangle. Despite Josh revealing that he ‘loves’ Stephanie, it wasn’t enough for Lucy’s heart of ice to melt, and after Steph forced them to have a drink together one night, the pair sat in literal silence for what seemed like an eternity.
Guess she won’t be up for giving the ‘Love Is Blind’ reading at the Wedding then?
Next week, can we expect to see Tiff/Jpeg finally realise that Sam Thompson is some sort of Wagner-esque lothario than women can’t resist? Will Binky and Fran finally have a moment of clarity and think, “Hey, maybe our fight WAS ridiculous and the producers were just setting us up”? Will the people SW3 FINALLY stop feeding Spencer Matthew’s gigantically inflated ego?
We’re going to hazard a guess and say “Er, no.”
…but we’ll probably tune in anyway, because it’s a choice between either that or ‘Wild Weather With Richard Hammond’ (soz Dicky, love ya really xox).
[ Made In Chelsea Catch-Up: Andy Jordan And Louise Thompson Are At War, And Stevie's Pretty Heartbroken ]
[ Made In Chelsea Catch Up: Fran Is Back, Binky's An Angry Beaver And Rosie Can't Stop Meddling ]