We’re on Episode 4 of the Made In Chelsea gang’s state-side sojourn to the Big Apple, and the sexual tension was bordering on PALPABLE. But what exactly happened, though?
1) American’s don’t do ‘dating’ like the rest of us.
OK, so we may share a few similarities with our American cousins, but judging by these NYC-er’s antics our approach to romance just AIN’T the same.
Billie – still inexplicably flavour of the month with Spencer and Stevie – continued to play the two lovesick puppies off against each other this week. After having a SWELL time out with Stevie last week, Spencer took Billie out, got her trollied on loads of posh champers and started speaking in French to her (perhaps he’d just had one too many). Obviously, a swarthy David Brent lookalike plying you with alcohol is just too hard to resist, so Billie just HAD to stick her tongue down Spencer’s throat.
Upon hearing about this, Lucy Watson (who else?) took it upon herself to step in and give Billie a ‘talking-to’, sticking up for her long-term pal Stevie, whose heart was BUCKLING under the sheer emotional turmoil of the whole situation. Billie’s excuse?
“Well how else are you supposed to get to know ‘guys’ unless you date them both at the same time?”
ERM, HOW ABOUT JOINING A CLUB OR SOCIETY BILLIE? GO MINGLING IN A COUPLE OF BARS PERHAPS? YOU KNOW – LIKE THE REST OF US?
Anyway, Lucy Watson was not prepared to let this slide and neither was poor Stevie. Perhaps it was Lucy’s bitchy side-eye or Stevie’s cute little face, but in the end Billie chose STEVIE over SPENCER.
THERE IS A GOD.
2) Creepy Jules is EXPOSED (not in that way).
In other ‘Shady American Dating Rules’ news, creepy non-blinker Jules was back this week, taking single-pringle Rosie out for their long-awaited date.
Oh, and he still hasn’t mentioned his whole ‘I’m Polyamorous’ thing (AKA I like to sleep with ANYONE but my girlfriend).
Of course, Rosie is COMPLETELY UNAWARE AND THE PRODUCERS DEFO NEVER TOLD HER.
Anyway, the date went surprisingly well, despite a metre-long gap between the two of them. Things were looking up in Rosie’s love-life for the first time in forever, and bless her, she seemed pretty hopeful. However, this was SHATTERED at the baseball match, when the ‘gals’ revealed all about Jules’ weird dating methods.
Jules’ excuse? “I’m an ethical slut”.
Well that’s one way of spinning it, we guess.
3) Being ‘Urban’ is VERY in right now.
Does anyone else find it massively cringe when the ‘gang’ go to any sort of live music gig? It was almost tolerable when they used to go to Andy Jordan’s gigs – the poor man had a single to sell – but since they’ve gone Stateside it’s just become ridiculous.
This week? A young, seemingly quite ‘trendy’ act called Lizzo. And you know what, Lizzo was great – we have absolutely no problem with Lizzo whatsoever. But what we can’t handle is the fixated Bible Camp-esque grins that were permanently plastered across the cast’s face the whole time.
“YEAH GUYS WE’RE JUST HAVING SO MUCH FUN, WE NEVER WANT IT TO END”.
We’ve never seen a group of people try SO hard to look SO urban and edgy.
Also – funny how the cast never seem to have any problems hearing each other at these ‘gigs’ and never EVER have to shout, too. MAKES IT SEEM LIKE IT’S NOT A REAL GIG, HMMMM.
4) What’s everyone’s obsession with LEATHER?
Another ‘hot’ new trend this week was Leather. Who knew that this was now a thing for people to be into? Perhaps it had something to do with Alik – A.K.A Scott Disick’s ropey lookalike – and his borderline creepy leather shop.
Literally, just strip after strip of leather in this shop, nothing else. And bearing in mind, this is the place where he also LIVES – making it a bit ‘Buffalo Bill’ from ‘Silence of the Lambs’, no?
Anyway, Louise Thompson clearly isn’t bothered by this, and within 2 minutes of being in Alik’s leather-heaven she was promptly snogging his face off and slobbering all over the shop. What’s more, our absolute FAVE, Mark Francis, ALSO got the leather-fever and decided that he simply HAD to run off to Alik’s creepy little shop to get measured up for some skintight pants.
All very Frankie Goes To Hollywood, not helped by Alik then donning a very revealing leather waistcoat and looking like some sort of bondage-loving lorry driver. Eurgh.
5) RILEY WATCH.
Riley’s been MENTAL BUSY this week, coming out with such gems as:
“We’ve been drinking a lot of coffee recently.”
“I really like your hair.”
“… Yeah … ”
THRILLING STUFF, WE CAN ALL AGREE.
Make sure you tune in next week, for more topical chat from Riley and the rest of this incestuous, leather obsessed bunch of toffs.
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