DROP ME AHHHT – it’s all kicking off down Brentwood way, as the cast look set to have a collective nervous breakdown for the season finale of The Only Way Is Essex.
And looking at all the sobbing and wailing they’ll be doing tomorrow night, the East of England looks as if it’ll be having to endure a chronic Kleenex shortage for the next few months at least.
Kicking things off are the Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton of our day – James ‘Arg’ Argent and Lydia Bright. Are they? Aren’t they? Is Debbie going to finally come clean and admit that she’s in love with Arg and always has been? IS ANY OF THIS EVEN REAL ANY MORE? HAS IT EVER BEEN?
Lydia, quite clearly a glutton for heartache if there ever was one, asks Arg to be her date for the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party. With all going swimmingly and Arg understandably made up over this relationship breakthrough, Lydia decides that now would be a good time to do a complete 180, and decides to break down in front of Lewis (?!) and wonder if she’s doing the right thing – with ‘trust issues’ still the perennial thorn in her side.
Arg then gets a bit aggy – ending up ranting to relationship expert Jake about all these new ‘rules’ Lydia’s laying down, and when the golden couple finally meet at the party they end up having a right old barney quicker than James can belt out another ridiculous version of Frank Sinatra’s ‘My Way’.
We’re not holding out a lot of hope for this one, we’re afraid.
Meanwhile, Chloe Sims and Elliot Wright’s non-relationship remains in limbo as Chloe STILL hasn’t decided whther or not to migrate to Spain with the man who called her a c***. Understandably, Chloe’s completely torn over the issue, despite admitting on several occasions that she can’t stand the sight of Elliot and tries to escape him as much possible.
GREAT FOUNDATIONS FOR A RELATIONSHIP, FOLKS.
Of course, Gemma Collins feels the need to stick her oar in, and advises Chloe to leave for Spain, but will Chloe listen? Will she ever? All we know is that there’s going to be a fair few tears and someone inevitably saying “BAHT OF CAAAWSE OI LAAAAVE YA!”
We might also find out if Jake and ‘other Chloe’ (as we like to call her) will finally shut up and either go out with each other again or just agree to go their separate ways and not snog each other’s mates. Again, more tears than Alexandra Burke duetting with Beyoncé on The X Factor, as ‘other Chloe’ can’t contain her emotions as Jake tells her he thinks he is losing her.
Oh, andJessica Wright and her new fella – Silent Dan – start to become a little more serious, even getting a cheeky snog in on screen before the episode is up. Here’s hoping that this relationship might actually last longer than a pint of Cheeky Vimto at Faces on a Friday night eh?
What a roller-coaster of emotions, ladies and gents.
You can watch it all for yourself on Sunday 5th April at 10pm on ITVBe, and if you miss out – TOUGH – it won’t be back until the summer.
[Elliot Wright Quits TOWIE?]
[Lauren Goodger Has 'Had Enough Of Being Fat']
[Geordie Shore Stars Slam Ricky Rayment's Ex Jessica Wright: 'She's Getting On A Bit']