She might be known as the loud Geordie who’s hard as nails.
But Vicky Pattison has opened up about her struggle with depression following her arrest in 2013, which saw her so low she was contemplating suicide.
Speaking in her new book, Nothing But The Truth, the Geordie Shore star says her arrest over the shoe-throwing incident, her three-stone weight gain and her split from ex-fiance Ricci Guarnoaccio sent her into a spiral of misery.
Vicky revealed: “I was so down in the weeks that followed [my arrest] I genuinely contemplated killing myself at times …
“I am dramatic about things when it comes to love or my mates, but I had never in my life before suffered from serious depression or considered suicide.
“I’d always thought of suicide as a selfish act and that you would be hurting other people and leaving all of your problems for them to deal with by going through with it.
“I was a strong person who has always dealt with my problems head on, but suddenly I got it. I felt like all I was doing was messing up and embarrassing my family.
“I had lost everything I had going for me and I didn’t want to live any more. I couldn’t see any other way out.
Reaching out to MTV’s psychiatrist, who looks after the Geordie Shore contestants, Vicky tried to work through her depression.
But after several sessions with her therapist and being told her suicidal thoughts were a serious real concern, the 25-year-old suddenly realized she had to fight for herself.
She added: “Things couldn’t get any worse and I said to myself, ‘Stop lying on the f***ing sofa feeling sorry for yourself. Get up, go to the gym, see your friends, and if Geordie Shore don’t want you back then it’s not meant to be’.”
“It was that fighting instinct in me, and my amazing sister and friend who got me through that made me realize that I would achieve nothing by killing myself. I would have left the only people who cared about me heartbroken.”
Vicky used her energy to throw herself into her gym routine, crediting her DVD deal for eventually “saving my life”, along with the support of her friends, family and trainer, Robbie.
Thankfully, she’s now feeling better than ever –which probably has a lot to do with her new boyfriend, James Morgan (fit hockey player).
The pair have been dating for several months now and appear to be attached at the hip, if their loved-up MazSight selfies are anything to go by.
Oh, and she’s already dropping hints that there might be another engagement on the cards – obvs this one would be for keeps.
She recently told Now: “I’m dying to get engaged again! When I broke up with Ricci, I was like ‘Nah, that’s me done’. I was single for life! And then it happens just when you least expect it.
“He [James] wraps us up in cotton wool. There’s not one day where I don’t feel like his little princess or spoilt rotton. He calls the minute he wakes up. I get voicemails through the day with him saying how much he loves us.
“He’ll ring us in the car and the first thing he says is ‘Hi baba bear!’ I just feel so safe and protected and loved.
“It’s so nice to be with someone who can take control. He doesn’t need my money, he’s never seen the Shore – it’s just the most normal and loving relationship I’ve ever had.”
Nothing But The Truth: My Story by Vicky Pattison is out today, £14.99.
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