Poor Stevi Ritchie hasn’t been too lucky in love on this year’s X Factor has he?
After all the confusion and WTF-ness surrounding his relationship with Chloe-Jasmine (let’s use that term in the loosest way possible), it’s safe to say he’s been looking sadder than a sad puppy during his latest show VTs.
ENTER Simon Cowell.
Erm yep, in some of the strangest X Factor news we’ve heard all series, it turns out Stevi’s mentor and new BFF Simon is going to don a nappy thing and wield a bow and arrow as he becomes cupid.
There’s an image we probably never needed in our brains.
After Chlo, 24, apparently left Stevi, 34, heart-broken, Cupid Cowell has supposedly taken it upon himself to match-make his Harvester buddy and get him BACK in the dating pool. So that’s good.
According to The Sun, Stevi’s explained: “Simon is going to set me up with five ladies apparently. He’s trying to set me up with his PA. He’s pimping me out but I don’t mind.
PIMP. HIM. OUT. We can’t.
He added: “I don’t know who the rest are but I doubt they would be below his standards. Simon said that Chloe was too tall for me and not to worry about her.”
This year’s apparent novelty act also spoke about his general sex life, which made us rethink our choice of a banana for breakfast when he estimated the number of girls he’s slept with to be somewhere between ten and 20.
He revealed: “I have a high sex drive for a 34-year-old. I think it’s because I missed out when I was younger. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 21.”
Feels a bit like our dad explaining his teenage, erm, LOVE years and we are CRINGING.
Despite Chloe messing him about with her “complicated” relationship status, he still showered her in compliments, saying: “Chloe is gorgeous, she’s a model, she’s intelligent and she has an amazing personality. And she’s bonkers.
“I’m not sure what the situation is with her or whether she has a boyfriend.”
Us neither tbh.
Does Stevi think he could win this year’s competition then? Erm, nope. Awks.
He admitted: “I would say my voice is six or seven out of ten. I am the weakest singer in the competition but I do think I’m up there as the best performer with Fleur East.
“I’m not deluded but I would like to go as far as possible and get a career out of it. Call me a novelty act, call me what you want.
“I would love to become a presenter. I know I’m not going to get a record contract but if I could have a TV career like Rylan Clark I’d be happy.”
Now THAT we’d like to see!
[X Factor 2014: Chloe-Jasmine Dumped By Boyfriend After He Calls Her 'A Liar And A Cheat']
[X Factor 2014: Stevi Ritchie Takes Simon Cowell For A Harvester Date]