X Factor was back once again tonight and it was time for yet more Arena auditions which, as everyone knows, aren’t as good as the Room auditions but we all watch anyway because it’s X Factor.
So who did we meet again tonight and what was their fate?
Well, allow us to divulge a good ol’ brief summary for your convenience….
WHO was on and DID they get through? Basically, the important stuff.
You probably remember Kerrianne after Simon Cowell left her boss a voicemail after she skipped work in an unnamed shoe shop (we bet it was Office) to audition
This girl has a huge voice which almost made Cheryl have one of this much coveted teary emosh judge moments.
Kerrianne obvs sailed through to the next stages
We say… the shoe shop best start shortlisting a suitable replacement.
We can’t wait for… her live shows make-over.
Still unable to spell Rain, Miss ‘I’m number 17 in Russia’ was back with a FABULOUS vengence.
Cheryl Cole reckons she is ‘allergic to her’ and her palpable hatred for this woman is totes our new jam.
We say…Eurovision worthy.
We can’t wait for… Cheryl to crack and do a Sharon Osbourne on Steve Brookstein during the live shows.
Steph was a finalist on Britain’s Got Talent as part of Luminites who were heralded at the time as Britain’s answer to the Black Eyes Peas. However, after being signed to Sony the group didn’t exactly set the charts alight and later split up.
Now Steph is back as a solo artist and sailed through to the next round with a near perfect arena performance.
We say… <3 <3 <3
We can’t wait for… Her old Luminites bandmates to do a tell-all Sunday papers expose on the truth behind the split.
Being just 15, Emily was just FIVE YEARS OLD when X Factor started which makes us feel very, very old indeed.
Emily gave Coldplay a ‘quirky’ makeover and gave a performance which would have made Diana Vicker’s claw very proud indeed.
Four yeses saw her through to the next stages.
We say… Abi Alton has a lot to answer for.
We can’t wait for… Her to whip out some ‘original material’.
She’s ditched the Addictiv Laydeez who made it through to live shows back in Series 2 (who lost their place to none other than Chico) and is flying solo much to the delight of the judges.
Her arena audition ended with a round of yeses.
We say… It’s not Chico time anymore.
We can’t wait for… Fleur to reveal the secret behind those abs.
X Factor’s answer to Betty Boop was back (suspiciously) posher than ever with an expectedly kooky audition which would almost certainly be labelled ‘eccentric’.
The judges loved her performance and Chloe and her pseudo-plumminess made it through to boot camp.
We say… Katie Waissell mark 2.
We can’t wait for… The inevitable barefoot performance.
Michelle put in a solid sob story however, all was in vain after Louis said she was ‘shouty, over the top, and will never sell any records.’ Ouch.
In fact, all four judges expressed in no uncertain terms their distaste for Michelle’s audition which ended with four very firm NOs.
We say… Mariah Carey meets lorry driver.
We can’t wait for… her inevitable slating of all things X Factor in any magazine that might care to listen.
Bad facial hair, amazing voice. Ben accidentally proposed to his girlfriend mid-audition after declaring that Cheryl Cole is possibly ’the most beautiful woman in the world’.
Mel B reckons he’s ‘got it’. We reckon he’d definitely get it.
We say… Chuck the lad Gillette Mach 3 and he could go a LONG way
We can’t wait for… Someone/ anyone to shave his chin.